The Year of Living Gently: Holiday Pep Talk
Thanksgiving time! We are a few days away from a month long marathon of merriment, parties, giving and gratitude. I love this time of year. It's fun.
Often, the ugly cousin of a lively holiday season is the punishment-oriented January: Juice cleanses, rigorous workouts our bodies didn’t see coming, and nothing but swiss chard and quinoa. Of course, there is no more drinking. And no more spending. And we better kill it at work. Many of us devote an entire month (or day, depending on our resolve) to punishing ourselves for all that damn joy and get back to “real” life. At least until the Superbowl.
Not this year. This Thanksgiving, I am here to propose something radical. I am here to propose that we do not punish ourselves for anything the entire holiday season and beyond. You read that right. I’m calling it "The Year of Living Gently” and I’m hoping you’ll join me!
The Year of Living Gently is not a step-by-step “how-to” of what to eat, what to drink or how to behave. The guiding principle of The Year of Living Gently is that we’re going to treat ourselves with forgiveness, kindness, care and patience in all circumstances as we move, gently, toward what we know is good for us. Even at a party.
I can hear some of you in my head, “Wait. It’s fun to binge! I mean, it’s the holidays.”
The Year of Living Gently doesn’t restrict anything. In fact, I believe the attitude of restriction leads to an “I’ll start on monday” style binge. We turn December into one big lazy Sunday like the time you ate cheese fries for lunch and then convinced yourself you may as well have pizza and a brownie sundae because you already “blew it”. Or maybe your thing was deciding to have a couple shots on a Tuesday night because you already had three beers. Or maybe your thing was choosing to buy that sweater you only sort-of liked because you spent a ton of money on other crap already. And why should you workout? You’re already gross.
Not this year! In The Year of Living Gently:
1. Recognize what is really the reward and what is really the punishment.
- Your workout is a reward to your body, not a punishment. Even if you had 7 Moscow Mules the night before, you are not allowed to punish yourself for your lack of restraint. Instead, you’re going to wakeup and choose a workout to support your body through metabolizing that mess. Note: “Gentle” is not a reference to the intensity of the workout. Hit it as hard as your body likes. The key is in seeing the workout as something kind for your body and not something you’re taking out on your body. Avoiding a workout is a way of "taking it out" on your body, too. You and your body are not enemies engaged in a war. If you choose to see it that way, spoiler alert, your body will win every time. Even if it’s a symbolic 10 minutes, reward yourself with some kind of activity every day.
- A night in is a satisfying reward for a previous night out, not a grounding. If you need to sleep, sleep. Everybody will understand.
2. No food is labeled "bad" and if you drink too much at a party on accident you don't get to beat yourself up about it. We are going to forgive ourselves and move on.
- I believe that if you remove the label “bad” from a regular behavior like eating and drinking and shopping, you take away the “I must have lots and lots and lots of ‘bad’ now, I’ll be good later” mentality.
- If you cornered your brand new neighbors at that party and let them know over and over again that you love them, no, you love them, seriously, LOVE 43 times in a row, you’re going to forgive yourself, think of something kind you can do for yourself, and move on. Maybe a workout.
- If you can't get your mind off of the cookie, eat the cookie. Chew it. Enjoy it. Don’t work yourself into a frenzy resisting that cookie. It gives the cookie way too much power. Crowd it out with the red peppers that are on the other tray. Focus on the funny conversation you were having with Stacy. Treat yourself to a workout, and move on.
3. You are only going to commit to things you actually can do and you actually want to do.
- We all have"crap of life" stuff that we have to do (making lunches, commuting to work, calling the heating guy, root touch-ups). Committing to something extra you don't even want to do doesn't make sense. Why take on the volunteer project that you don’t have time for just because that one lady gave you a weird look. Is an overstressed you good for anyone? Say no and move on.
- In the Year of Living Gently, you're going to volunteer for things that interest you and say no to things that do not. You're going to help in ways you feel the most useful. You are only going to do anything if you actually have the time and want to do it.
I know, I know you're skeptical. What's going to stop us from sitting on the couch all day? Won’t we be eating, drinking and online shopping ourselves to death if we deal with ourselves gently? Punishment has a purpose! It keeps us in line! If we don’t punish ourselves, aren’t we just a stone's throw away from being narcissistic sociopaths?
I don't think so. My experience as a woman observing the world has taught me you can't punish your way into lasting change and growth. That overindulgence/ punishment program may work for awhile (your 20's), but if you want lasting health, both mental and physical, the only way to do that is to tune into your body and give it what it's actually calling for.
Lasting change only comes through supporting and caring for yourself through that change. So many of us get caught up in the mental rehash. If we stop trying to pay for "bad" behavior with guilt, mental energy, and busying our lives with stuff we don't want to do, we could use that time to figure out how we'd like to do it differently.
The Year of Living Gently is not a license for bad behavior. The Year of Living Gently also does not equate to living in denial. If you suspect you have big, scary, serious changes that you need to make, the year of living gently is even more important. The bigger and scarier the change, the more gentle you need to be with yourself. It’s useless to punish yourself because you have a drinking problem or a significant relationship failed or your job sucks. Often, the problem itself is a punishment. Support yourself by moving in the direction of the change and do it in increments that feel gentle and lasting.
Healthy behavior begets healthy behavior. Good choices beget good choices. We get so stuck in thinking we need to make huge changes in our lives quickly. No way. That’s hard. Little changes, consistently executed with forgiveness, kindness, care and patience. And let's have some fun!
Year of Living Gently! Who's with me!
Keely
